If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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