1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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