Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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