bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
