May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
