sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize