I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
