I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
