Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
