Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
