Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize