Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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