I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
