i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
