I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
high people should be assigned attendants
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
