It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
