i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well you can't waste a boner
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize