a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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