Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
