I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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