I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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