i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
