Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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