You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
