Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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