based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
