Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
