since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
