We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
