Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize