You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
