My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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