if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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