The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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