just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
