Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
two words: eviction party
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize