Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
