Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
