Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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