so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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