I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
