you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
