i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
