the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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