I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
