We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
a search helicopter?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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