It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
