okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
