my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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