I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
