tell your sister to shave her snatch
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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