his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
