uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
