the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
