i think my mom watched the whole time
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize