you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
