The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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