I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
