I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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