I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
