Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
