if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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