so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Two words: nipple clamps
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