I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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