Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize