i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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