My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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