my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
