Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
