I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
