Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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