You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
