i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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