no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize