Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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