You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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