it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
