apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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